The last picture taken of Mr. Troy Brown of Hornytown, NC displaying superb plank form
Duke Savage
Hornytown, NC
For those who haven’t had your head in the ground for the last year or so, you are aware that the art of “planking” has taken the nation by storm. If you have been ignorant to recent recreational trends, planking is the practice of shaping your body in such a manor that resembles a piece of construction lumber. This wildly tacky and surprisingly difficult sport ranges from planking park benches, library rows and even moving vehicles. Planking took a publicity hit this week when a man was discovered in a plank like position after having been dead for two days. Hornytown officials say that Troy Brown, 25, had been dead for two days and subject to rigamortis in a perfectly horizontal position atop a newspaper dispenser. “I just thought he was planking” says friend Joey Trujillo. “Troy was always known as being the ‘one-upper’ kinda guy so we just assumed he was attempting the longest plank in history to show off his impeccable core strength.” Although this sport is wildly entertaining and a party starter, it does come with some risks. The Surgeon General’s office has released a statement regarding planking due to recent developments.
“Although the sport of planking is fun and is an easy conversation starter with the opposite sex, there are untold dangers involved. The tragedy surrounding Mr. Brown’s demise is incredibly unfortunate but does a great job to compliment our advisory to always plank with a spotter.”
As an aside, if you ever happen to stumble upon a person that has been stationary for many hours, with an alarming stench and possibly surrounded by flies, there is a good possibility that this person is not some sort of extreme athlete but more likely a dead carcass. Most planks are usually performed for no longer than 5-6 minutes and anything that exceeds such a time frame should be associated with death or the use of black magic.
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