Archive for September, 2011

Washington Mystics fans arrived three hours before game time, just so they could leave early. After all, they'd already paid for the tickets.

Duke Savage

Washington, D.C.

WNBA powerhouse the Washington Mystics swallowed their pride this weekend when they offered a give away to the first 100 fans that showed up to their game against the LA Sparks. The give away brought great reviews being that it allowed their pained fans to leave at half time when the combined score would inevitably be less than about 40 points. Mystics’ president Kermit Shipley was quoted as saying “We had to face the music and give in to what the fans have been saying for years, that we need to end the games earlier. We thought this give away was a happy medium where we didn’t embarrass the players but appealed to our fans’ desires as well.”  Although this does take a shot at the league’s integrity, but it’s an undeniable fact that the scores alone suggest that serious intervention needs to happen. Here’s to change and scores totaling over 75 points.

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As every red blooded American knows, the only thing less manly than skinny jeans...is wearing them with your pair of male UGGs

 

Duke Savage

Washington, D.C.

Last Thursday, Surgeon General Regina M. Benjamin, MD issued a statement warning against the fashion statement that has become all the rage. The “I look cool because I stole my sister’s jeans and can not feel my loins” look is popular among those who are fans of today’s alternative music or just have no idea what else to wear. This statement was prompted by recent studies that show that the continuous wearing of skinny jeans not only decreases a man’s sperm count, cause swollen “man berries” but also has causes an irreversible stab to that man’s psyche. Although this raises serious concern and poses a very real threat to male parts worldwide, there is a very good chance it will go unnoticed for the mere fact that these “hipsters” don’t read, pay attention to practiced hygiene or fashion conventions nor do them seem to give a flying 747 f**k. Seems pretty fitting, being that we, the collective American public, don’t care too much for them either.