Archive for October, 2011

Tom Selleck and his dominating facial fixture are at the epicenter of this Mustache Mayhem.

Duke Savage

San Francisco, CA

As many American men sprout mustaches to support “Movember” to show their support for Prostate cancer research, one mustache is frustrated by the impostors. In the middle of this hairy situation is Tom Selleck, the owner of the world’s most prominent mustache. However, it isn’t Selleck raising the stink rather it’s his bushy lip fixture. “There’s only so much room in the mustache scene” said Selleck’s killer ‘stache. “I’ve been on the scene for over 20 years and these rookies come out for a month out of the year and expect my respect? Not a chance.” Selleck’s mustache has declared all out facial warfare on these mustache imitations, threatening everything from spotty Just For Men gel attacks to the more serious razor burn. Although this threat has struck man “Movember” patrons in fear, Selleck has assured that if his mustache gets out of control, he will revert to his backup facial configuration, the goatee. Selleck hopes that this “power by numbers” approach would kill any confrontation that may arise. As far as this clean shaven reporter is concerned, this threat is not worth getting rid of your stylish ‘stache or milk mustache; get your “Mo” on.