Archive for January, 2012

In order to irradiate this wildly stupid "trend", cities have been encouraged to set hipster traps. These traps include American Spirit Cigarettes, a "kinda" cold can of Pabst Blue Ribbon, and random plastic accessories.

Duke Savage

San Francisco, CA

A special panel of the nation’s top Sociologists, Psychologists and of course Perez Hilton gathered to discuss the confusing fashion trend that has unfortunately swept the nation. If you’ve never seen a hipster or experienced the pointless “I knew ____ before it was cool” mentality, go to your local coffee shop (not Starbucks or Peet’s though…those are too mainstream) or log on to to view their “creative” and “emotional” grainy iPhone pictures of a garbage can or bottle cap. Perez Hilton, who has made a few terrible additions to American pop culture himself, is even appalled by this skinny jean epidemic. “There’s no reason to be so f*%$ing strange! We all get the fact you like to be different and we can all see that you can fit into your little brother’s ripped jeans….literally nobody cares.”  Although all signs point towards this fashion trend fading itself out like the razor-sharp shoulder pad trend of the 80’s, there are worries that this may withstand the test of time. Sam Peterfold of the SFPD told the Cucumber, “We’ve been ordered to set Hipster traps around town and to just toss them in our pile of failed trends right next to the hyphy movement.” So if you know any Hipsters living in a larger Metropolitan area, warn them about the traps and inform them their days are numbered…or gently nudge them into the trap for five “Hipster points”. So far this week, this reporter has 35. Good luck.