Archive for April, 2012

It may seem like the sleek, sexy and/or edgy thing to do....but you really just look like a jackass

Duke Savage

Los Angeles, CA

In the heart of the fashion and entertainment world, Los Angeles, a large group of A-List actors, athletes and musicians gathered in protest in regards to the epidemic like fashion trend that is the “nerd glasses”. Nobody is actually sure who is to blame for the trend of wearing gas station quality sunglasses (sans lenses of course) that has become all the rage among American 20-30 year olds, but it is an undeniable fact that it has gone too far. From what we could gather, the glasses are intended to imply that the person wearing them is so far beyond fashion that they had to “dumb it down” for the rest of us. Basketball superstars such as LeBron James and Dwight Howard have been spotted wearing the glasses everywhere from All-Star games, nightclubs and comic book conventions. “We’ve made a terrible mistake” said Howard. “At first we thought it was cool and gave us another way to prove we just don’t give a f%$k.” In an effort to rid the world of this stupidity, Newsing High School in Pasadena, CA has outlawed the glasses and started issuing detentions for first time offenders, with habitual offenders being flogged with a blunt stick. “They have to learn that this type of irresponsible behavior will not be tolerated.” said Newsing Principal James Hart. “It’s our job to teach kids the different between right and wrong and these glasses are the worst thing to happen to Americans since the jheri curl.”

UO senior, Carli Pinkman plans to be back to her 6 day workout plan as soon as her bruises calm down.

Duke Savage

Eugene, OR

Carli Pinkman, resident “hot girl in yoga pants” at the University of Oregon, was declared stable today after slipping off of her elliptical in the University of Oregon’s Student Rec Center earlier this week. After her strenuous “pre spring break” cardio sessions, Pinkman returned from spring break to notice that nobody cared. “Oh that girl? Yea I see her in here all the time stretching, curling 3 pound weights and climbing 50000 flights of stairs” said UO junior Robbie McGuire. Doctors say that Pinkman suffered minor injuries to her stellar buns and has been downgraded from “dime” to the less elusive “8.” Fortunately, she will be back to distracting frat bros in her skimpy spandex and undersized sports bra within the next week. Both were a result of a uncommon condition, similar to a conniption fit, that strikes approximately 140 hotties per year. Pinkman’s elliptical has been left vacant as a sign of respect for the fallen cardio comrade.