Posts Tagged ‘2012’

Mother Nature shedding her motherly habits and laying down the law

Duke Savage

Eugene, OR


It is no secret that Mother Nature is becoming increasingly upset with the way her tenants (aka the human race) has been trashing her rental. Although there is rarely a smooth or easy going relationship between tenant and landlord however this particular relationship has become stressful to say the least. “I’m fuckin’ sick of it!” said the ever fruitful and frugal Mother Nature in an interview last week. “It’s like a bunch of frat boys running through all of the free beer you’ve given them and then coming back begging for more.” Mother Nature had a similar run-in with her one time tenants once known as the Mayans. Being known for their infamous calendar that gives the human race until the year 2012 until literally all h-e-double toothpicks breaks loose. “The Mayans believed that this was when the heavens would destroy man kind, however, recent developments point to the fact that Mother Nature has given us our eviction notice a few centuries in advance” said German scientist Agnes Gottschalk. Whether or not you believe that the world is going to end in the year 2012, there is one thing that can’t be denied…SHE IS PISSED! “I’ll teach those ‘people’ a lesson one of these days. I brought you into this world and I can sure as hell take you out!” said the Mother of all Mothers. So take for the next 17 months, experts predict that the human race will party like 19 year old college students and “trash the place”. As for other homo sapiens, we think a last minute attempt to salvage an extra few centuries out of this lease. My solution: weekly Earth Days and many many Native American rain dances.