Posts Tagged ‘Bob Barker’

For the first Annual Happy Gilmore Classic, all formal normalities and guidelines of golf are farted into the wind. WARNING: Old crotchety gallery members: there will be fun at this event...if you are opposed/allergic please consult your physician before attending.

For the first Annual Happy Gilmore Open, all formal normalities and guidelines of golf are farted into the wind. WARNING: Old crotchety gallery members: there will be fun at this event…if you are opposed/allergic please consult your physician before attending.

Duke Savage

Savannah, Georgia

In a desperate move to regain some of the once loyal younger demographic, the PGA has generated a new and alternative event inspired by the Hollywood shenanigans of Happy Gilmore. After television ratings took a dramatic slide following the “Tiger-Free” Masters won by Bubba Watson, PGA Special Events Administrator James Hutchinson devised this promotional Gilmore Open. “Let’s face it, golf is really boring to watch. From the overzealous announcers, to the pompous gallery onlookers all the way up to the frilly club covers; golf needs a kick start”, said Hutchinson. The intention of the event is to make the atmosphere as close to the “sex, drugs and rock’n’roll” mentality that Gilmore embodied. The typically regal and boring announcers will be replaced with Fear Factor’s Joe Rogan, a cocaine infused Carrot Top and NFL legend Bill Romanowski to cover the sideline reporting. This, of course, culminating in the highest steroid aggregate of any golf announcing trio in the Tour’s history. Contestants are encouraged to carry at least one worn down hockey stick in their bags, abandon their current caddies for a more homeless alternative, be under the influence of at least one substance and to forcibly “place” their clubs in as many hazards as possible. Although some golf diehards are snubbing their nose at the idea of the idea of change, many of the younger demographic are “fuggin psyched” about the new development. “Fights, drugs and sex in the gallery? It’s like a lubricant free version of wrestling! Plus it gives us a reason to day drink…who doesn’t like that?” one underaged anonymous fan was quoted as saying. Although not confirmed, there have been rumors of appearances of both Shooter McGavin as well as Bob Barker; however Barker’s representatives have been disgruntled over compensation for the legendary TV personality. (Insert “Price is Right” joke here).

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