Posts Tagged ‘freak’

Does this face not scream "My zipper is creating unnecessary friction...I wish there was another way!" Look no further my good sir

Duke Savege

Eugene, OR

In a recent and astonishingly innovative fashion trend, University of Oregon senior and local bar fly Steven Crane, created a pair of jeans that lent themselves to the freak dancing enthusiast. “Freak dancing is a part of the college bar scene” said Crane this Wednesday as he prepared for the ever exciting dollar beers night at the local watering hole. “Although freak dancing allows for an easy and casual chance for physical contact with the opposite sex, it does create a problem for both sides; also known as the zipper rash.” Zipper rash, although it may sound like a pseudo ailment, is very real and plagues college students nationwide. The irritating sensation is caused when the male pelvis grinds side to side as the female pelvis mirrors the motion. With the location of the conventional zipper, couples or drunken acquaintances, face the risk of this unfortunate dancing side effect. This phenomenon has not only positively affected the male students but women are also reaping the positive benefits that this denim marvel has to offer. “Honestly, it’s a nice change of pace from the repetitive jabs from those YYK (a popular brand of zipper) bastards every night” said U of O junior, recent bar attendee and one time “boogie-buddy” of Mr. Crane’s Shawna Princeton. With the slight shift of the zipper, there is nothing but the normal layer of denim between your man parts and what her “momma gave her.” Although many mainline retailers have denied Crane’s offers to buy the idea and bring the side-zip jeans into popular retail establishments, his determination and passion for dances including the “jerk”, the “bearnie” and the infamous “dougie”. Regardless of record setting licensing deals, it is safe to say that Steven Crane is a true American hero and the side-zip jean is a product that will improve college bar scenes around the nation. God’s speed Mr. Crane and may you always hop on the good foot and do the bad thing.

In a related article on College Town Life (whom we greatly admire) the Ten Commandments of the Dance Floor delves deeper into the world of college freak dancing.