Posts Tagged ‘LeBron James’

Drizzy proudly trades in his red and white of the Miami Heat for the burgundy and gold of the Cleveland Cavs.

Drizzy proudly trades in his red and white of the Miami Heat for the burgundy and gold of the Cleveland Cavs. As spots open up for Cavaliers pre and post game entertainment, Drake is exercising all possibles “ins” into the Cavalier organization.


Duke Savage

Cleveland, OH

Two weeks after LeBron James jostled the NBA East’s makeup by re-relocating back to Cleveland, a less publicized announcement happened that deserves some attention. Thanks to his well publicized affinity for hitching his wagon to the hottest teams/stars in popular sports, hip hop artist Drake decided that he, also, is heading to Cleveland. With his close “friendship” with both John Football as well as King James himself, Drake’s transition to a “lifelong Cleveland fan” shouldn’t surprise anyone. Drake’s flip-flopping allegiances puts him along side Manziel and James for the renewal of the Ohio economy as well as its’ sports fandom. “The weeks leading up to Bron’s decision was tough on Drizzy” says Patrick “P-Body” Benson. “Drizzy’s a Miami dude at heart, a Toronto hero at heart and a Cleveland lover at heart. Dude has a pretty big heart.” Although  having Drake on the sideline provides the Cavs with no legitimate benefits, many Cleveland fans are rejoicing the new additions to famous Cleveland celebrities in their original and pieced together LeBron jerseys. Although Cleveland’s head coach David Blatt was unable to be reached for a comment, a source told The Cucumber that Blatt is quite confused as to who Drake actually is. “Coach Blatt has absolutely no clue who Drake is or why everyone is so excited.” Other than bringing a few more twenty-something idiots to the Cavs games, Drizzy’s spokespeople have said he’s excited to bring a little more “swag” to Cleveland. While many Clevelanders await Drake’s first ever Cavs’ and Browns’ games this year, even more await the opportunity to make fun of how hopelessly pathetic the artists’ bandwagoning mentality is. From sports fans everywhere, please, go away Drake…..please.

It may seem like the sleek, sexy and/or edgy thing to do....but you really just look like a jackass

Duke Savage

Los Angeles, CA

In the heart of the fashion and entertainment world, Los Angeles, a large group of A-List actors, athletes and musicians gathered in protest in regards to the epidemic like fashion trend that is the “nerd glasses”. Nobody is actually sure who is to blame for the trend of wearing gas station quality sunglasses (sans lenses of course) that has become all the rage among American 20-30 year olds, but it is an undeniable fact that it has gone too far. From what we could gather, the glasses are intended to imply that the person wearing them is so far beyond fashion that they had to “dumb it down” for the rest of us. Basketball superstars such as LeBron James and Dwight Howard have been spotted wearing the glasses everywhere from All-Star games, nightclubs and comic book conventions. “We’ve made a terrible mistake” said Howard. “At first we thought it was cool and gave us another way to prove we just don’t give a f%$k.” In an effort to rid the world of this stupidity, Newsing High School in Pasadena, CA has outlawed the glasses and started issuing detentions for first time offenders, with habitual offenders being flogged with a blunt stick. “They have to learn that this type of irresponsible behavior will not be tolerated.” said Newsing Principal James Hart. “It’s our job to teach kids the different between right and wrong and these glasses are the worst thing to happen to Americans since the jheri curl.”

NBA superstar LeBron James prepares to “dive into” his next adventure

Duke Savage

Miami, FL

With the NBA lockout looming many of the NBA players are looking for alternative means of income to support their ungodly lavish lifestyles. Some, like Deron Williams, are playing overseas where the expectations are somewhat lower and they can easily become the most notable star within miles. Nate Robinson is pondering testing his luck in the NFL because for some reason his circle feels that his generously listed 5′ 9″ stature lends itself perfectly to the NFL’s hard-hitting game. Being the showman that LeBron James is, he could not simply settle for switching over to such a conventional sport so he held “The Decision II” a year after he wasted America’s time with his decision to piggy back Dwayne Wade in Miami. After four long hours where James repeatedly insisted the entire point of his TV special was “for the kids of the Boys and Girls Clubs of Miami”, he finally told the world of his plans. “This year, during the NBA lockout, I plan on taking my talents underwater. I am going to pursue my passion of underwater basket weaving.” Hubie Brown, who was conducting the interview, had to be resuscitated after the jaw dropping news. After he was brought back to life, for the fourth time during the last month, his first response was, “What…in…the…*bleep*?” “Ya know Hubie, I’ve always been an avid fan of the water and enjoy swimming in my free time. During my childhood I was swimming in my grandmother’s pool when I found some wooden strips at the bottom. I just started weaving them…it felt natural” followed James without skipping a beat. Although this has helped LeBron gain much of his older fan base back (especially those elderly ladies who plan on tuning to his new series “Woven Art With The King”) but it is seriously hurting his “street cred”. Whether or not you agree with LeBron’s plan of attack to continue to make gobs of money during the lockout you have to admire his pizzazz and enthusiasm. It will take a LOT of basket sales to match the $15 million a year that LeBron will lose with a lockout. Not to mention, the new version of his shoe, the LeBron IX will have to be completely scrapped for a super cool aqua sock, not one of Nike’s specialties. I would not suggest buying one of these baskets however. If history is any indication, the first three-quarters of the baskets will be amazing but the fourth will flat-out suck.