Posts Tagged ‘Los Angeles’

Stanley Blackwater celebrates his newfound “favorite” team at a chic LA sports bar. It’s basically a Buffalo Wild Wings, where the wings cost $9 a piece. 

Duke Savage

Los Angeles, CA

LA fans were immensely shocked to learn the news that not only did their city have a local hockey team, but that said hockey team had just been awarded Lord Stanley’s Cup. On June 11th, “our” Kings hoisted the Stanley Cup over their head as the result of a near historic NHL playoff run. This news being somewhat unsurprising to the most casual sports fan, came as apocalyptic news to those living in the 90210. On the morning of June 12th, after the LA populous had a minute to check their Twitter accounts, the local sporting goods stores were flooded with the new “die hard” Kings fans. An unprecedented number of jerseys, hats, iPhone 4 cases and personalized license plates were purchased by the wave of fashionably late Kings fans. “We’re not entirely surprised” said Kings center Jarret Stoll. “We half expected the win to go unnoticed by the people of LA or at the most put in between the latest Kardashian update.” It comes as no surprise to anyone who has ever heard a Laker “fan” claim that “our team” is going to the ‘ship this year that LA clung to their newborn heroes like a newborn spider monkey clings to it’s mother’s breast. A record attendance was recorded at the final game of the series at a roaring 247 in the first quarter and 24,000 after the second intermission, not ironically reflecting the number of people in LA who knew the Kings existed before the month of June.

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It may seem like the sleek, sexy and/or edgy thing to do....but you really just look like a jackass

Duke Savage

Los Angeles, CA

In the heart of the fashion and entertainment world, Los Angeles, a large group of A-List actors, athletes and musicians gathered in protest in regards to the epidemic like fashion trend that is the “nerd glasses”. Nobody is actually sure who is to blame for the trend of wearing gas station quality sunglasses (sans lenses of course) that has become all the rage among American 20-30 year olds, but it is an undeniable fact that it has gone too far. From what we could gather, the glasses are intended to imply that the person wearing them is so far beyond fashion that they had to “dumb it down” for the rest of us. Basketball superstars such as LeBron James and Dwight Howard have been spotted wearing the glasses everywhere from All-Star games, nightclubs and comic book conventions. “We’ve made a terrible mistake” said Howard. “At first we thought it was cool and gave us another way to prove we just don’t give a f%$k.” In an effort to rid the world of this stupidity, Newsing High School in Pasadena, CA has outlawed the glasses and started issuing detentions for first time offenders, with habitual offenders being flogged with a blunt stick. “They have to learn that this type of irresponsible behavior will not be tolerated.” said Newsing Principal James Hart. “It’s our job to teach kids the different between right and wrong and these glasses are the worst thing to happen to Americans since the jheri curl.”