Posts Tagged ‘rednecks’

Street signs saying enough is enough and arming themselves for revenge

Duke Savage

Dixon Springs, TN

*Since a translator was not available for the strange dialect of “English” spoken in the deep south, this is a scientific wild ass guess of what was said from those interviewed.

It is no secret that a common Southern past time is shooting small-caliber firearms at unsuspecting street signs. This creates a rough, tough and careless look to the signs in order for them to blend in with the culture they are surrounded with. In the early hours last Saturday a bizarre and unique event transpired; the signs shot back. “I was jus’ shoot’n at dem signs thur an they done shot back’t me…damn’dst thing” said Billy Joe Rupkin. Rupkin was taking his usual Saturday evening ride with his friends down the lonesome Route 47 when he took aim at a typical street sign. Seconds after he fired his 12-gauge shotgun round at the sign it retorted by reflecting all of the shot directly back to the truck Rupkin was riding in. Befuddled, the group of simple-minded bandits scattered, deserting the truck and blaming the entire happening on “da devil.” The 50 MPH sign at mile marker 62 on Route 47 had this to say “It’s clearly self defense. What else would you do if someone drove by every week and shot at you multiple times with a shotgun? I bet you’d be pissed too!” This form of violence has caught the local authorities by surprise. “Who do we charge? And with what?” commented Sheriff Tim McMahon. “We can’t charge dem boys for shootin’ at dat sign but we can’t charge an imasdfasdfljasdflkjasdf (inanimate) object with anything but self-defense. We’re about as screwed as a jack rabbit up bear hole.” Although the origins of this saying are lost and no logical sense can be made of it, the Sheriff does make a valid point. What do you charge these painted, metal vigilantes with? So for the foreseeable future, many Tennessee counties are stationing rookie officers near these rural signs as a part of a special task force aptly dubbed C.A.S.P. or “Crazy Ass Sign Patrol”. For updates on this story, check in on Billy Joe Rupkin’s “internet thingy” at http://www.watchoutfordatdemdamnsigns.com