Posts Tagged ‘tattoos’

Ladies and gentlemen…meet Driicky Graham. No we didn’t spell that wrong, his name is DRIICKY and he needs to be stopped at all costs

Duke Savage

Some Stinky Club, CA

After a series of unfortunately poor life choices, this reporter found himself in a trendy hip hop club in a town, that shall remain unnamed, when the most atrocious and drastic attack on everything musical came blaring through the oversized speakers. It was Driicky Graham’s newest (and hopefully only) single entitled “Snapbacks and Tattoos”. Much to my relief, I was not the only person offended to the core by this heap of a song. A handful of decorated scientists at the Copenhagen Institute of Music are hard at work and have come up with enough substantial evidence to show that “Snapbacks and Tattoos” is in fact, the worst thing to happen to the musical world since William Hung. In a special press release made by the committee early this morning they encourage “Citizens to take matters into their own hands.” They go on to prompt passers by to, “bitch slap anyone you hear playing this song, humming it, or wearing a snapback with a bro tank revealing their tattoos (if said person is of smaller stature than yourself, otherwise a group effort is needed”; their words not mine. So stand beside me, my fellow music lovers, and do the world and our future generations a favor…and keep your pimp hand strong.

Li Kai thought he was getting "Rewrite A Life" tattooed on his right forearm but instead wound up with this truthful yet self-incriminating tattoo

Duke Savage

Yokohama, Japan

Similar to the insanely popular trend in 1990’s US pop culture, Asian teenagers and twenty-somethings are getting meaningless English phrases tattooed on their persons without having the slightest idea of their meanings. At one time Americans were fascinated with tattooing Asian symbols on their bodies claiming they meant things like “strength” or “knowledge” or “dignity”. When in reality, according to Asian-American tattoo artist Akio Chén, they mean things such as “dumpster” or “gringo” or “can you pass the salt?”. The art of deception is closely tied with this tacky ink phenomenon and has left many people with permanent reminders of why you don’t get drunk in Chinatown with your buddies, it always leads to tattoos. Chén says that he slapped hundreds of these on within a 10 year period. “Every person that walked through my door asking for an Asian symbol, I would immediately Google something different and give them the most absurd embarrassing one I could find.” Artists in Asia are finding the same enjoyment of deceiving their customers. This makes the transatlantic journey for some Asian tourists very awkward. One woman was booed and had empty Starbucks cups thrown at her when she showed up with “Great Knockers” tattooed across her forearm late last September. Others have been claimed as casualties to these insensitive tattoo artists but with tattoos that are too racy for our dignified readers. It’s this journalist’s hopes that this trend will die hard like that of the “meaningful symbols” of the 90’s but that would be a little too 火风水 (meaning one who is optimistic).