Posts Tagged ‘Washington’

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In his latest flick, Abe borrows a page from George Washington’s book and lays way to some nasty vampires.

San Francisco, CA

Duke Savage

As the first few multi-million dollar rolls of crap stained film roll out into your local theater, it’s time to take a minute and reflect on the rediscovered man of 2012. Sure…Abe Lincoln could be argued to be the most influential president of all time (freeing human beings from generational servitude, building the first transcontinental railroad or almost single handedly holding a young country from splitting down its fresh seams; that whole deal) but what 2012 taught us is, you think you have someone pegged and then you learn they also killed vampires. To call him ahead of his time is like calling the pyramids of Giza a stack of mud. Honest Abe’s infatuation with killing the dead has somehow eluded the biographers who have dedicated sex-less years to studying the man but Seth Grahame-Smith so cunningly dusted off his PhD in historical BS to tell the facts. As if Americans had never heard of him before, we were swept off our feet by how courageous Abe the Vampire Killer was, how Daniel Day Lewis could give another “performance of a lifetime” and how god damn annoying Mary Todd was. So we here at the Cucumber would like to extend our congratulations to Former President Lincoln, you took reinventing yourself to an astounding level. Maybe you should refer your publicist to Dwight Howard.

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Washington Mystics fans arrived three hours before game time, just so they could leave early. After all, they'd already paid for the tickets.

Duke Savage

Washington, D.C.

WNBA powerhouse the Washington Mystics swallowed their pride this weekend when they offered a give away to the first 100 fans that showed up to their game against the LA Sparks. The give away brought great reviews being that it allowed their pained fans to leave at half time when the combined score would inevitably be less than about 40 points. Mystics’ president Kermit Shipley was quoted as saying “We had to face the music and give in to what the fans have been saying for years, that we need to end the games earlier. We thought this give away was a happy medium where we didn’t embarrass the players but appealed to our fans’ desires as well.”  Although this does take a shot at the league’s integrity, but it’s an undeniable fact that the scores alone suggest that serious intervention needs to happen. Here’s to change and scores totaling over 75 points.