This Eskimo woman allowed me to photograph her once she had emptied her whipped cream can and knocked out a few too many
Duke Savage
Nuuk, Greenland
Although there are many popular theories on the origins of Global Warming, most of which blaming the burning of fossil fuels and our culture’s dependence on them. However, on a walk home from Nuuk’s finest drinking establishment, I found the real answer. In the alley way between It’s Cold As Balls Way and Hypothermia Avenue I found a group of 65 Eskimos spraying a wide range of aerosol cans into the air. This not only struck me as a ridiculous group activity for Eskimos but also a wild waste of Greenland’s supply of spray paint, bathroom cleaners and Axe Body Scents. When I approached the spraying crazies, they immediately stopped their spraying and claimed they were “simply making a mural”. After making a comment along the lines of “Either you’re using invisible paint or you guys should stick to Vin Diesel movies and finger painting” I was surrounded by these Eskimos and beaten senseless. I awoke the next morning with a unmatched fervor to find out the reason for this CFC party. An Inuit woman I had become friends with informed me that this was their way of “sticking it to the man”. When I probed further and asked who this “man” was, she replied with “The idiot that named the ice covered continent Greenland and the green one Iceland. That guy needs to pay.” After I agreed with Iglopuk, my Inuit nagojut (friend), I pointed out some flaw in her logic. I pointed out that not only would this idiot suffer but so would the rest of the world that agrees he struggles with naming. She seemed unaffected by this comment, took another whip it and said “We’re tired of this cold weather. These parkas look comfortable and amazing but we’re all in desperate need of a tan. We want some sunshine and 75 degree weather.” So instead of blaming the insensitive SUV owners for the rising sea levels and vanishing ice caps point the blame at these spray happy Eskimos.
thecucumberperiodicals 