Couch Potato stand out Mike Chansky pictured here in one of his daily training sessions. Lazy Mike, as he’s affectionately known, headlines a group of hopeful American Olympians.
Duke Savage
Somewhere in the Midwest, USA
With the XXX Olympiad in full swing, many Americans are bitter about not being atop the gold medal count. But fear not my fellow Americans, the answer has been uncovered. Mike Chansky and the “flubbery five” are currently applying to make Competitive Couch Potatoing into the XXXI Olympiad. Often dismissed as being lazy, the flubbery five have been training for the past 20 years and are thrilled to have the Olympic committee. The rules of Competitive Couch Potatoing are still hazy but a rough draft have been released exclusively to The Cucumber Periodicals.
Rules for XXXI Olympiad
Competitive Couch Potatoing:
Two athletes will be put on Lazy Boy couches, given a 6 pack of beer (athlete’s choice), two bags of Ruffles potato chips, and a TV with two seasons of Breaking Bad on DVR. With the start of the official clock, athletes will start consuming their goods, and are to start on Season 1 Episode 1 of Breaking Bad. Athletes will be confronted with obstacles asking them to remove themselves from the “playing field”. Obstacles include “Wife asking athlete to take kids to soccer practice” or “Fixing the kitchen sink” and all the way to the extreme examples of “The shed is on fire and our four year old is running with scissors”. IF both the athletes do not leave the playing field, there shall be a sudden death overtime. This overtime will require both athletes to watch two episodes of A&E’s Toddlers and Tiaras; with the first athlete to blink or fall asleep eliminated; with sleeping being an automatic disqualifier.
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